I haven’t been in a great place of late. I’m in the middle of a divorce, my financial situation is not good, and finding a better job is slow going.
I got to talking about my situation with the president of one of the associations I’m in. She gave me some advice, some ideas of people to contact, and reminded me about the winter bazaar happening today (Saturday). I’d totally missed the announcements but decided to go.
I worked on my CV a bit in the morning (they use CVs here, not resumés) so I wasn’t in the best mindset. Really down on myself and not feeling very hopeful. I get to the bazaar, under a cloud. But I chat, I mingle, I have a glass of champagne (that always helps).
Then I wander over to the donated clothes for sale.
There is a coat.
A vintage fur coat.
When I was younger, I was totally against fur. I mean, how could you? I loved animals, I could never imagine putting one on my body. Of course, this was an easy stance to take for someone living in South Florida. Then I got older, and I heard the extremely logical argument of: what are we supposed to do with all the fur coats we already have? The ones our grandmothers wore? Not very ecological leaving them to rot in closets. The animals are already dead and gone, we can’t “undead” them by not wearing the coats. And then I found myself in Berlin in early February and I really understood the utility of fur.
I’ve had a little rabbit fur neck warmer for about ten years now. I’d felt a twinge of guilt about it, but right before I bought it, I’d had some rabbit terrine with my in-laws, so I justified it to myself as a using-the-whole-animal sort of thing. I gotta say though, it’s small, but super warm. The utility is there.
So back to the bazaar. I take the coat down from the hook, chuckling. Because there’s no way I’m going to buy this coat. How am I going to look prancing around in a fur coat? Ha, ha, ha. And it’s cheap. Hella cheap. It cannot be real fur for the price.
Then one of the ladies working the clothing section comes over and I ask her what type of fur it is, she tells me, and takes me into the next room where there’s a mirror so I can see what it looks like on. By now I’m laughing out loud. I call my dad. I tell him to brace himself and switch to video. He’s cackling with me. He tells me I have to buy it.
So I buy the coat.
All the women at the bazaar were hyping me up as I walked around with this coat. When it was time to go, I put my peacoat in the bag they gave me and wore Betty (that’s my new coat’s name - yes, after Betty White) as I walked down the street. I was in the 16th arrondissement, after all. If there’s anywhere in Paris to wear a fur coat, it’s the 16th. I think Betty goes quite nicely with my Levi’s and sneakers.
And yes, I wore Betty home on the bus.
While I was waiting, I sent a couple pics to a sister-friend. She also hyped me up like crazy. On the bus, I was still laughing at the absurdity of the situation. I feel like my foundation is shaky, but life just said, “hey, here’s a symbol of luxury you never even imagined wanting.”
When I got home, I took the dog out, then came back inside to take a proper photo to send to my best friend. And that’s when I saw it. Do you?
WHAT IN THE PARISIAN CLICHÉ HAVE I MADE OF MY LIFE?!
I wear big sunglasses because I get migraines easily.
I always wanted a Pomeranian because they look like walking asterisks to me and that cracks me up.
I bought Betty because the idea was absurd but very, very warm.
And now look at me.
I’m gonna lean into it, though.
Paris is Parising. She does what she does. She’ll let you in, make you feel welcome even, but then she’ll knock you down. Anyone who’s tried to make a life here will tell you the same. Just as you’re feeling bloodied and broken, something will happen. Some reminder, large or small that no, you do fit, in some way. Choices that you made, things that made sense to you, small unconnected steps, actually fit into her weird-ass mold. You'll bend down, pick up your dog, take a photo and realize that there’s a version of Paris looking back at you in the mirror.
You just have to be ready to see it.